For now, I can’t really write about things that aren’t on my mind. I don’t often get inspired to write something…and if I do its at a really inconvenient time like right in the morning or in the middle of the day. I wish I wrote down those thoughts more though..because I think I’m going to remember them, and I never do. Sad thing, memory.
Right now I am reading up on some material to write an essay about Marx, and I came across one of his inspirations’ pieces and began to think instead of read. I can’t concentrate when this happens so I usually just shut the book, let em go and then decide if I’m going to do anything about it. Usually I don’t, usually its just in a storehouse somewhere in my brain where years from now I think it’ll come up in a conversation..who knows. A few weeks ago when I woke up the only thing I was thinking about was if indeed there was life on other planets..and maybe life in other Universes, if God died for them too. crazy to think about
okay
so my original intent in writing this was to suggest that maybe if we took away all the outer aspects of everything this world has fed us, and get down to the basics, we would realize that is all we need to know we need God. Our thought alone ..our senses alone (Which was another thought I had - which comes first, thinking or senses?) but regardless, our thought combined with senses alone abandoned by all possible influences (obviously we can’t change what kind of environment the earth has as a whole and the effects we were born with) but if you take away what you think benefits you, what people tell you, what church’s even feed your emotions with, if you think of yourself in a lone room with the only basic needs of survival around you none of that is included. I guess what I mean is we’ve made it a lot more complicated than it actually is.
We rely on matter, material and what’s already put in existence to gain inspiration from and develop new ideas and concepts, and in that way we’ve gone backwards as a society, you can’t take something that was already created and create ideas of how it was created out of that - it must first be a concept to be created, one which we can toss around ideas of how it was and where it’s leading, but ultimately that concept is whats important, whats true. It wasn’t matter first and then creation. It was a Creator and then matter.
Keeping that in mind, and my own self in mind. I think about the things I need to survive on this earth, water, oxygen, reason for thought. I think and I sense, therefore I exist, and if I exist there has to be a reason for me to be created to exist, and because of that I depend on whoever created me. I don’t depend on people using religion as a way of controlling people, or people acting as hypocrites to religion to magnify their own ego, or people making up religions/ideas of their own, or people creating God in their own image, whatever liberal theology is handed to me to tell me in lamen’s terms that all roads lead to one place and that I can think one way and another person can another way but ultimately it doesn’t matter and whoever is the deity will forgive our apathy - whatever we do with the image of God doesn’t matter, He’s still God, and at the basic realm of life, I still need Him. I don’t need anything else.
Resting on myself alone, I can’t. and I can’t be satisfied with anything this world tries to offer me to further the content with my own selfishness and greed. No matter what, I will still be unsatisfied because I’ve filled up every chasm in my heart with material, and yet its floating on a bed of temporary air, no longer held safe by a Creator who in one hand rests my heart and the other my head, my capacity to long for Him. I can’t imagine what it would be to wake up everyday questioning my existence and telling myself a lie that those questions are brought on by my environment, by people’s influence, by things that have happened to me and therefore my emotional need, that society has constructed religion, and as a result, God. When the basic necessity I have isn’t about an emotion, or a gravitation or a feeling that this is right, or logical necessity - even though that still follows suite - Its about my deprivation as a human, that I was created just to show the ability of God’s love and every lie I try to convince myself daily that this world was created for me to wonder through it aimlessly slips off my head when I realize how outside my body I feel, how lonely my body is apart from my soul.
I don’t own this thing at all, I’m just a soul contained in it, so how could I think I have any reservation or any place but what I’ve been created for. The beautiful thing about this is just because I’ve been created for love doesn’t mean I have to live by it. I can stagger my way through life thinking eventually I’ll come across my true purpose by science or by reason or by theory but ultimately just being satisfied by the next best thing or I can examine myself from the ground up, that just a minute ago I was a thought in God’s mind, and now I’m here as witness that his thoughts don’t stop.
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